Tuesday, June 2, 2009

In Which I Ramble...



A sad fact: Since I’ve stopped eating sugar, I’ve been less funny…Apparently, my humor had everything to do with high fructose corn syrup. The whole grain lifestyle has crimped my ability to come up with a good one liner. Oh, I still try, but my delivery falls flatter than a plain cardboard rice cake. I coped with my life through food…I then transferred over to the internet…things were getting crazy, I could zone out and let it all go in front of the little glowing box of other people’s wonderful lives. I could discuss reading books, without reading all that many. I could read about writing and write about writing and not really write. In fact, I could talk about living, without really living.


I realized today, that I didn’t have anything to say. I didn’t have anything to add to the conversation. Now I’m not depressed and the fact that I have been without a car for the last few weeks could be narrowing my perception of the world, but the truth is I need a change. My short story is finally finished. I am preparing to spend a week away with my fabulous writing buds to bask in the writers’ life. The hubby informed me when we were just throwing the idea of me getting away for awhile, that I HAD to take this opportunity. I know it won’t be easy for him, but he hasn’t blinked.


You see, his eyes have been wide open before. I watched our wedding video the other day with Ceci. I even wore my veil for her if you want to know the truth. She loved the whole thing (except for the part where it was time to feed each other cake and I didn’t even aim for his mouth…who knew that frosting affected contact lenses…seriously?) Well, the violence of it frightened her and then his rebuttal right into my eyes and the licking of the frosting off the faces (yes, an elderly woman left our reception in disgust.) And you know what??? We loved every minute of that moment, because that is so US.


If I could have glimpsed into the future and seen the nights spent in agony, the hospital visits, the surgeries, the deafening silence of fear, the job losses, the food appearing at our doorways, the collapsing upon the ground in seeming defeat, the miracles, the angels, the babies that we were overwhelmed to be the parents of, the glimpses of eternity in the mundane moments, the whisperings of so much more, the beauty that comes from suffering, the chipping away of that couple who had the world by the hands and was dancing with it and each other and who the world tries to crush, but we are still dancing…together.



Still not funny, I know…but it’s in there, even if the frosting has long left my tear ducts.


25 comments:

mindij said...

I think you are still funny!

THe few times I have attempted to rid my system of Diet Coke and sugar, it has not been pretty. ElRey demand that I keep it all flowing in my vains. I think we both like me better with it coursing through my body!

But you, you are delightful in every way, always! Whether you eat cardboard or chocolate cake!!

Now pass me the M&M's and Diet coke!!

mindij said...

Did you see how I spelt veins??? hahaha too bad it doesn't help with my intelligence!!

trish said...

Great post today

Kerri said...

I loved that post! I find that jsut sittin gand typing from the heart without overthinking makes me feel better!

Kristina P. said...

This was lovely, Rachel. And I think my funniness would drain out without sugar too.

Christine said...

Wow, that was beautifully written.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and giving me pause to reminisce about how far Marty and I have come in the last ten years.

Ten years through which I would not have survived without sugar. I don't know how you do it. :)

Erin said...

Aren't the highs and lows of marriage and parenthood amazing? What a great post.

Leslie said...

I love the pix of the cake? Did you make it :) As far as parenting lets just say parenting two teenagers has left me confused ... I can relate to the feeling of being overwhelmed :(

Jillene said...

GREAT, AWESOME, AMAZING post!! And I agree that I would be NOTHING without sugar!!

Jillene said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Christie Gardiner said...

This is beautiful. You are a beautiful person.

Shauna said...

L♥ve it!

Lara said...

Great post Rachel. I makes me wonder what I would be like without sugar and all the yummy things that I am probably addicted to. I teach Sunday School for my calling and I was studying about the celelstial kingdom. I had a few questions myself and read a couple of articles. I learned some great stuff that I didn't know before. One thing I read was about how we will be judged from the Book of Life and that our bodies are essentially that book, that our bodies will help tell the story of how we lived on earth. And when we are resurrected our bodies will be resurrected to a celestial, terrestrial, or telestial form, thus determining our kingdom. It gave me a lot appreciation and understanding of just how important it is to take care of and respect our bodies. You are doing a lot better than most of us. Hope you have a great get away:)

rubberbandgirl said...

People would pay for your essays.
Seriously.
On another serious note...NO ONE MAKES ME LAUGH AS HARD AS YOU DO!
If you went back to sugar, then I wouldn't have to do sit-ups anymore.

Kellie said...

You're funny, you might just not feel like it. I think it's hilarious that an old woman left your reception in disgust! Ha! I guess that's her loss.

Donna said...

That last paragraph is especially well-written. You really are talented!

Jeana said...

I don't know how you do it (the new diet, especially the cheese part) but I didn't notice a drop in your humor level. I do hope, for your sake, that cheese somehow makes its way back to you!!!

Lara said...

Maybe you just need to detox a while longer and everything will be so clear and funny you'll wonder how you ever functioned while eating sugar!

I actually thought this was a very poignant post. Made me think a lot about the last ten years and how maybe I wouldn't have gotten married if I had seen the difficulty of it all from the beginning, but how it has all been so worth it.

Robin said...

It's true. I renewed my driver's license today. It expired last Saturday. I wanted to celebrate the completion of the whole ordeal and my immediate reaction was, WHAT CAN I EAT TO CELEBRATE? It's a good thing I didn't have any cash or I would have stopped for some ice cream. It would be quite an adjustment to leave sugar alone completely. As my body ages I've had to start giving things up; chocolate after 5pm because it keeps me awake, meatloaf because it's too greasy, KFC again too greasy, fresh pineapple, corn on the cob ............ You've just started the food denial cycle earlier than most.

The Kooky Queen--Rachel said...

BRING BACK THE SUGAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whatever, you're still hilarious, even though I covet your ability to master your sweet tooth! :)

susette said...

Oh my, my, my! So many highs and lows in life I sometimes wonder if I knew then what I know now, would I have chosen this? At times it's so hard to keep moving forward with lifes' challenges. I'm just so grateful for a patient, kind, and loving husband and family. Endure to the end is a ring my son wears (ETTE) and I love it.

Melissa said...

I, too, have gone off sugar. Even if it makes you less funny, it doesn't make you less of a fantastic writer. I hope you have a wonderful time at your conference, and I'm so glad you have a supportive husband.

Mina said...

Beautiful, Rachel. You are such a great writer. I hope your writer's week went well. I'd love to read that short story.

Tink said...

I love your writing style! And kudos to you for giving up the sugar! That's a huge feat to tackle! BTW, I've been meaning to also tell you that I love your blog header of you and your family. You are so pretty!

Ashley said...

I just found your blog from my friend Rachel's. Your blog is really cute!!!
Come by my blog to enter some fun giveaways! There are a few of them, and not many people have entered yet, so your chances of winning are really good!